You Have The Power    

The last article focused on our kids and their generation.  This month we switch the focus to recognition of some of the powers inherent within us to influence each other.  How did you feel the last time someone at work told you that you were doing an excellent job?  What was your reaction when you heard that someone you just met was impressed by you?  Did you smile the last time you were publicly rewarded or commended for a particular task or accomplishment?

Some of our essential inherent needs are that of recognition and acknowledgement.  When I worked for the late Texas Governor John Connally, the president of one of his national companies was a gentleman by the name of Bill Strange.  Bill was a man who really understood people and had the professional track record to prove it.  We were sitting in his office in Austin when Bill said, “John, we don’t mind being told to get lost, but we sure hate to be ignored.”  That one sentence has planted an insight in me about people that surpass many of the things I studied as a freshman Psychology Major in college.  As human beings, we do many of the things we do in order to accomplish three major things:

1. personal advancement and growth
2. personal positive recognition and acceptance
3. personal sense of belonging

What Bill’s marvelous insight reveals is that we all seek continuing feedback from each other in order to monitor, evaluate and react.  That is one of the prime reasons that peer pressure is still an issue for us even as we become adults.  On the positive side of this equation is our ability to use this for good.  Within the last three years, I have been focusing on trying to compliment at least one person daily. 

This tremendous challenge of discipline accomplishes a number of things.  It forces you to recognize positive attributes or components of a person.  It has dramatic effects on your own outlook and thought process and it will always be returned two-fold.  Imagine the effect a compliment has on a young lady when you tell her that based on her kid’s behavior, she must be a terrific mother.  Or try telling the young man that his suit is quite sharp and flattering.  Or share with someone the fact that they look good.  There is more power in those sentences than can be harvested in a nuclear submarine.  Be forewarned however, much like the submarine, you have to be alert to potential misfiring.  Use those compliments appropriately and only with sincerity.  The negative effects of using powerful statements like that in a false manner can have a backlash that will most certainly rock your boat.  It is of utmost importance that you believe with great sincerity the compliments you are sharing.  If the recipient disagrees or argues with you, then be assured that if your foundation is one of truth, the positive implications will still take root.

When someone like you comes along wielding the power of positive reinforcement, be prepared for an initial reaction that is guarded.  This means that it is also imperative that your compliments are not a prelude to requesting something.  One of my favorite ways to meet my aforementioned goals is based on the fact that I have so many business lunches each week.  Whenever we have a personable and professional waitress or waiter, I like to get in the habit of leaving notes on the bill.  If our server has really exemplified service above what we may typically get, then I take great pleasure in leaving a few sentences for the management.  My note may allude to the fact that if they continue to do such a remarkable job in hiring staff members like "Susie" for example, then I will be forced to make this my favorite restaurant.  I may mention how I plan to spread the word to my associates (and I do), and I will always ask for that particular person when I return.  Needless to say, you can only imagine the service you would get at your next visit to that restaurant.

So today try and wield your power.  Share something genuine and complimentary with one of your peers.  You may be amazed at what you may do to someone who isn’t having a good day, week or even year (some people will tell you that they’re not even having a good life.)  Say something nice to someone who needs it and you will be amazed at how much it will cheer you up.  Write a note to someone who hasn’t heard a compliment from you in a long time.  Aren’t we all bombarded with sources of negative input and negative reinforcement daily? 

Remember that the place to start to change the world is in your heart.

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